Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
