I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
