So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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