Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Man, jail baloney is awful.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
