This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize