Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
