So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
