He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
