I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize