I'm jealous of your bromance
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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