Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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