Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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