I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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