Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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