A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
