My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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