remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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