dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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