Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
