How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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