I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
