The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
