Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
