I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
