no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize