so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
