Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
