I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
