For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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