I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
