Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
