Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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