if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
