Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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