Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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