Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
