i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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