I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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