You smell like stripper and shame
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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