Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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