Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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