Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
