dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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