i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
