Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
