I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
