some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
