I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize