We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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