You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
