Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
