I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
