Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is wine microwaveable?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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