i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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