like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
