woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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