Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
