she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
