Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
