Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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