so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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