he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
