Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
