I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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