Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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