I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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