We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
