i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
