forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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