I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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