i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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