Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
