your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
