Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
false alarm. still invincible.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would fuck him just for his dog
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
