Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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