dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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