Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
