Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
