Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
