i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
