u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
