Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
