Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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