i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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