i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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