Cold hands, warm shart.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
