Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
