I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
