I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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