im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
