Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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