ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
