Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
