My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize