Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
