I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
