Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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