just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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