sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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