but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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