I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize