My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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