My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
