he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
